Where Is God In All of This?

I was told today that a child being allowed to suffer is the reason that someone doesn't attend church. I immediately felt defensive and saddened and unsteady all at the same time. I love this person more than anyone else (other than my children), and cannot imagine an eternal ever after without them. It makes me ill, it makes me angry, it makes me scared to hear that they allow their tiny bit of faith to be shaky for any reason.

I have thought and thought on this since having this conversation and this is what I have to say about this.

Where is God? 

He is right beside my baby girl. He is holding her hand. He is carrying her weak body when she can't.

How is He doing this?

We didn't have the money for a wheelchair. We have not made many of the right decisions in life and we have faced many financial consequences because of those choices. But God still provided not one, but two wheelchairs for us. Why? Because we have not one need, but two. We have two daughters that at different times, for different reasons, cannot carry their own bodies. So God provided a chair for each girl by way of loved ones and a doctor who cared enough to get our insurance to cover it for us.

Where is God when she is in pain and suffering so badly? An eleven year child should not have to go through this kind of thing.

Steady My Heart

He is there. He is keeping her faith in Him strong because even in all of this pain, she feels Him there. She knows that even though she's hurting and it sucks, it is part of His ultimate plan for her life. Even if we cannot see what that plan is right now, it will be revealed in His time, when everything He has set in motion comes together.

Maybe she will counsel other kids like herself. Maybe she has something in her future that she needs to be mentally strong for. I don't know why my baby has to live in pain, but I do know that I trust God and I love Him and what He has done for us every step of the way, even though we really, really don't deserve any of his Grace...He still gives it, time and time again, even though we fail Him daily.

I am not the best Christian in the world. I am not even a good Christian, y'all. I fail daily. I give in to my flesh and shame Him constantly. But I always have my Faith in Him. I once questioned whether there even was a Him, I will NEVER do that again. I KNOW He is there, always. I know that if my child has to go through this, He has a reason for it. ANd while I may question Him too sometimes, and I may have a bad day and argue with Him, I trust in His reasons. It just may take me some deep breaths and reevaluation to remember that sometimes.

Revelation Song

It is not for us to question. It is not for us to understand. He has her in his hands and He will not do her wrong. She is His child, she loves Him and He loves her. He is making the hard decisions to be better able to care for her in her future. He is watching out for her in ways that we cannot. He knows her future, I do not.

It is not easy for me to entrust my babies to someone else, y'all. But to Him, I lay them at His feet and beg Him to take care of them.

Healer

Thank you God for all that you have done for us. Thank you God for carrying my baby when I cannot. Thank you for your forgiveness and your mercy. I put this person in your hands, Lord, please open his heart and allow him to feel your presence in his life. Show Him what only you can. Please wrap him in your arms and give him no other choice but to feel your love for him.
In Jesus Name, Amen!

God is in her smiling face, He's in her laugh. He is why she is here. He gave her to us. Marian is a gift from Him. This is where He is.

I Am Not Alone