Losing It

I am so ANGRY right now!! This is crap! It's not right for them to keep doing this to my child. She may just be a number to them, another dollar sign, crappy Government insurance with no face, no real value (to them), but she is my world!! And they do not care! I could chew nails right now, y'all. I'm not even kidding. My daughter is up again tonight, hurting, crying, and in REAL physical pain!! I think the bones in her right wrist may be fusing or have already fused together! She can not bend her wrist. I tried to gently help her bend it and could feel where it feels like the bones are one!!

ONE!!!!

(It hurt like crazy just to close her fingers like they are in the picture. She wakes up crying like this just about every night now.)

I am livid.

I am wanting to hurt people.

I am in full on Momma Bear mode, y'all.

I have searched and searched and can not find a contact for this doctor's office other than a phone number. The women who answer the phones are rude, they are cold, they are emotionless....unless you make them mad. Then they definitely know anger and attitude. But they do not care about your child's story, pain or condition.

Because they don't have to wipe her tears, they don't have to try to explain to her why the medicine isn't working anymore. They aren't here looking her in her face, tears streaming down her pretty little face, helplessly trying to figure out HOW TO HELP HER!!

Oh man.

Man...

I'm shaking.

I can't see straight.

I have this heavy weight sitting right on my chest.

What do I do? I am totally helpless. I can not make them see her, y'all. I can not make them care about my daughter.

My daughter... My baby girl.
Who's hurting. Who's looking to the adults to help her. Who keeps being let down and told to wait. Who keeps being told that there is nothing we can do to make her stop hurting.

The ice doesn't work anymore. The Ibuprofen that they say to give her around the clock (From November to April, y'all), doesn't work for her anymore.

I pulled out my Mom's old, dusty heating pad, even though her Pediatrician said "No heat", I am trying it!!

She put that warm pad on her wrist and my baby fell asleep! She is sleeping.

That means she is comfortable enough to fall asleep! :) <3 <3 <3

I'm telling you, this that they are doing to her, it isn't right. No child should be forced to suffer like this. No child should have to go this long in pain like this! And they are Pediatric doctors!! They know how bad this stuff is! They know how severe it can get. I can not believe that this is going on like this. And you can call me crazy, you can call me a conspiracy theorist, I don't really care, but it's because of our insurance. I know it as surely as I'm sitting here now. She doesn't matter because she's dirt poor.

I wish we had the money to completely change up her diet. People have been telling me that diet changes could be a tremendous help. We can't afford to change things so drastically without an income. It's cheaper to eat bad. That's just a fact. We just can't do it right now.

And this y'all, is what I mean by feeling overwhelmed. Something's gotta give.