Irritated Mommy

Marian's lungs have been sick for weeks now. I took her to her Pediatrician's office but she didn't get to see her usual doctor. The doctor that she saw is a total flop doc, she sucks. She didn't listen very well during Kat's well child visit and she has failed to send Kat's 504 forms over to the school.

When I took Mary to see her, she listened to her lungs, said they were clear, asked if she had any allergies or any past problems with asthma and then just wrote it off as allergies. I am starting to believe she bought her degree online at Amazon.com. SMH

I don't know for sure, but I am starting to wonder if this is a symptom of Mary's JA.

She's taking her inhaler off and on all day long and into the night and she is still having trouble breathing without coughing like crazy. I am making another doctor's appointment and demanding to see her doctor. This is ridiculous.

Now as for Kathryn Olivia, I feel a war coming on. Her teacher is giving me the idea that she doesn't believe anything that I have discussed with her about Kathryn. You know, the one thing that stands out about my kid's real Pediatrician? He listens to the parents! He actually listens, takes into account the parents opinions and thoughts on what's going on with their child and he BELIEVES  that they actually know their kids well enough to know if something is going on or not. Most teachers that I have come into contact with believe that the parents are idiots and have no clue what they are talking about when it comes to their own children. And they treat you as such.

Kathryn checked a book out from the school library. We have made absolute certain to keep it in her bookbag so it would not get lost. Today was the day to turn it in. She said she put it on the table when the teacher asked her to, but the teacher said that she didn't turn it in, so Kat was not allowed to check out another book with the other kids.

*deep breath* Counting to 10......

I cannot say what happened. I cannot say that Kat made it to the table with her book. What I can say is that we read it this morning before she got on the bus and put it in her bookbag. She got on the bus and went to school. (Then this big thing happened that I will write about later).

She had it when she got on the bus, so I know she had it. She says she put it on the table. So I wrote her teacher. She asked me the name of the book that Kathryn had checked out... o.O

o.O

O.o

............

If she didn't know what book Kat had checked out, how does she know that Kat didn't turn it in? o.O

How does she know that Kat's book wasn't in the rest of the books?

Ok, so then she tells me, "This is a general responsibility of a 5 year old. I can't keep up with all 27 books. If she can't check out a book long enough, she will start to remember to turn her book in."

Symptoms of inattention in children:

• Doesn’t pay attention to details
• Makes careless mistakes
• Has trouble staying focused; is easily distracted
• Appears not to listen when spoken to
• Has difficulty remembering things and following instructions
• Has trouble staying organized, planning ahead, and finishing projects
• Gets bored with a task before it’s completed

Frequently loses or misplaces homework, books, toys, or other items

http://www.helpguide.org/articles/add-adhd/attention-deficit-disorder-adhd-in-children.htm#inattentive

I am so furious!

This teacher assured me that she understood Kat's condition. She made me believe that she was going to be 100% able to handle Kathryn and that she would be patient and understanding. She is not being any of those things. If you can tell me that my child is just like the rest and compare her to the neurotypical children in her class, then she isn't listening to me. Which tells me that she must not hold much value in what I am telling her about MY baby girl.

A little girl that I have raised for almost 6 years. A little girl who I noticed from birth was different. She didn't laugh, she didn't smile, she didn't coo like her sisters had or like the other babies in the nursery.
She has always had sensory troubles. As a baby bright lights, noises and smells would set her off and it was crazy trying to calm her down. Every morning, even though she knows it's going to happen, when the bus stops at the bus stop and the driver opens the door, it makes this loud pop noise and Kat slams her hands over her ears and gets this terrified look on her face and for a brief second EVERY SINGLE MORNING, she thinks about running to me to bury herself in my arms because of the loud popping sound that the bus door makes when it opens. I am the one who has seen her meltdown over her food touching or over the smell of something strange to her, or the house being in disarray, or her blankie being in the wrong place, or an ant crawling across the ground, or someone looking at her, or because someone spoke to her when she wasn't ready. I am the one who has had countless nights awake until morning hours because of her night terrors and the major fits that she has in her sleep. Last night we were up and down as she screamed, cried and begged, "Please let me go!! Please let me goooooo!"

I have watched her try so hard to fit in with other kids and not be able to make them stay to play with her because she got too loud, she got too upset, she got too overzealous, she was too Kat..

I am the one who has sat back and watched her walk two steps and completely forget what she was told to do, a simple one step direction, just gone...poof! She honestly doesn't remember that we even spoke about her doing something. I have watched her get so upset she broke down crying, heart wrenching sobs because she was trying so hard to help me do a task that she couldn't remember what she was supposed to do. She gets so frustrated with herself, so I Know she isn't making it up or milking it or doing it just because she thinks she can use her ADHD as an excuse. She doesn't want to struggle through everything, she doesn't like to forget things or to get in trouble because she can't calm down or for saying everything that crosses her mind, etc... She really can't help it.

People just don't get this. So many people are just plain ignorant and cannot understand that ADHD is real and it has a very real affect on these kids and how they do things. They cannot be lumped in with the neurotypical kids and be expected to act and think like all of the other kids their age. That single thought alone is just so ridiculous and really rubs me the wrong way.

Something has to give with this school situation. This mama bear is about to get really upset.


So the thing that happened this morning...

While we were at the bus stop, (Kat wanted to ride the bus again and she has had a better experience with it so far), a dog and a cat came to the yard. The dog came close enough for Kat to just barely let her fingers run down over his back. She didn't even get a full pet on him. She got on the bus, I came back and laid back down. 30 minutes later, the school nurse was calling me to bring benadryl up to Kat. Her face was swollen and splotchy. Her eyes were puffy and red and watering. She had an allergic reaction to the neighbors dog!! The dog lives with a cat, that's the only thing I can think of. She has never had an allergic reaction to anything but cats in the past. So I took her the medicine and washed her hands and face in the nurse's sink and let her go back to class.

When she got home this afternoon, she was back to her normal self except that she got a little sunburned at the pool during Clara and Marian's pool party yesterday for their birthdays. Now she is sound asleep and she's doing good so far. No night terrors as of yet. *Fingers crossed* that it remains that way.

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Thoughts and Memories

I was taking Clara to school this morning with Marian and we were listening to the radio like we always do, flipping through the stations and stopping on songs that we love to hear and really love to sing.
As often happens, a song came on that brought back a memory, a memory that I hold tight to, a memory that brings back feelings of happiness, security, and awe. It was such a small thing, nothing of any significance really, but it has hung around and been with me since I was a small child. 

The song was Take It To The Limit by The Eagles. The memory is of my Aunt Joann. 

Take It To The Limit 

I spent the entire ride from Stockbridge to McDonough telling my girls about their Aunt Joann, who they would have loved and who would have adored them...had she had a chance to get to know them. 

Life has a way of keeping people apart, either because of time or because of circumstance. We drift apart and no matter how much we mean to each other, we lose touch. That's what happened with us and my Aunt Joann. So she only met my girls a handful of times and only in a huge group setting when all of the family was together. My girls really missed out on knowing an amazing person. So this is what I told them this morning about this incredible woman that they never had a chance to love....

Joann was one of a kind. That is such a generic understatement, but man, if you knew her at all, even just in passing, you know it to be 100% truth. You could meet her once and remember her forever. And if you ever had the blessing of being in the room with her when she laughed a real Joann laugh, you'll never forget it. Her laugh was infectious, it was contagious. You could be having the worst day ever and she would say something stupid and totally inappropriate, and then laugh her amazing laugh and within seconds, you'd be laughing too. And she'd just look at you, with this Joann look, like "See, it's not all that bad" and everything was ok again, at least while you were there with her it was. 

She was tough. She had her troubles, man did she ever? But she was awesome. She'd piss you off and just make you swear and kick things, and then she'd hug you and smile at you, and say something completely out of the way, and you couldn't be mad at her. She had bar fights, with grown men. LOL She was this tiny little thing who thought she was bigger than everyone else when she was mad or passionate about something. I was scared to death to piss her off when I was a kid (and some as an adult). But if she loved you, you knew it. You never had to question her love for you, her sanity, maybe, but never her love. You knew that if you needed her, ever, for any reason, she had your back...no questions, she was there. 

It's really hard to write this, y'all. I want to see her, talk to her, hug her so bad. I wish my kids had gotten the chance to know her. To have someone like her love them. 

When I was small, I was hell on wheels. My family didn't like me much. I was a difficult child, (I'm not much better as an adult), and when I'd ask to spend the night with someone, they'd always have that hesitance, lol. Who could blame them? But Joann didn't. At least I never saw it if she did. She could handle me. I knew better than to sass her or back talk her, and I dang sure knew to do what I was told. She didn't play. If she said she was going to do something, she meant it. And there wasn't more than one warning. She'd pick me up and take me shopping and out to eat and then we'd go hang out with her friends at their house or hers, she didn't mind having a little bratty kid tagging along with her. She loved me. She didn't get sick of me, she didn't get ill with me, she didn't even show if she was irritated with me. She let me sleep in between her and her boyfriend, Steve when I got scared at night and if that didn't work, and I wanted to go home at midnight, she took me home. I know that had to be crappy, but she didn't show me if it angered her. And she'd pick me up again. I didn't phase her. LOL

My memories of her are abundant. But the one tied to this song is a day that me, her and Mom were in her little sports car, riding through streets that were big and busy and unfamiliar to me, (I was really young). Her and Mom were in the front seats, Joann was driving. Mom was wearing a red miniskirt with zippers all over it, I think..and Joann was wearing a black miniskirt with a white top and black spiked heels. They were laughing together and listening to this song. We were going to the airport for some reason. I remember Joann shifting the gears on the car and I remember her legs and how they looked shifting and hitting the clutch in those heels. I remember her laugh and then Mom laughed. I was flopping around in the backseat and I remember Joann telling me to sit still or she'd pull the car over and whoop my butt. And then I just remember watching them and studying their faces and seeing how they interacted together, how Mom brushed over Joann's hand when she laughed at something Joann said and how much they loved each other,and how much I loved them... this song playing in the background...it just made a memory that I will never forget. It has stayed with me ever since that day, and it rushes over me everytime I hear this song. 

I love her and miss her so much. I know she would have loved my babies. And it's sad to know that they will never know her or her heart. But I share my memories with them and they love her through me. 

(Mom is in the pink shirt and Joann is holding down the ice cream cone in Mom's hand because she just took a picture with my Dad, kissing him) LOL

Public School, Here We Come!

Y'all, it has really just been one of those days. From beginning to now, it has been a hair pulling, skin crawling, eye scratching, crying, screaming, awful kind of day.

The girls home schooling may not be the best idea afterall. I did it because I am afraid of Clara going to middle school and learning things she doesn't need to be learning right now and because of Mary's health. But I am seriously second guessing my choices.

All summer I talked to them and did my best to prepare them for homeschool and what their responsibilities would be. Ie..school work, talking to their teachers when they need to, webinars, testing, getting up and doing the work without a fight, no arguing or talking back at all but especially about doing their work, etc...

So far it has been all of that. They don't want to get up. They don't want to do their work the way they are supposed to be doing it. They think because it's Mommy, they can slack off and talk back. Clara has 6 weeks until I can take her little butt to middle school, she's going back. I cannot deal with this attitude and her failing 6th grade because she doesn't want to participate.

Mary does her work when I'm not looking and fails to bring me in on it, ever. So I am not being told when she needs help or if she has a project due, etc. But she doesn't want to do it how she's supposed to be either. She wants to do it when she wants and how much she wants.

They are confused. They are defiant. They are going back to public school.

One thing I won't do, is allow them to fall behind or think that they can slack off from school. I thought they were mature enough to handle this, I was wrong. 

We Have Fishies!

This morning we went to get Johnnie's new cell phone. On our way into the store, we saw the fish. Aiden had never seen the fish before. Or at least he hadn't with us, and not since he's been old enough to understand and remember. He was so excited. Watching him watch them was so sweet. I just couldn't leave without the fish. And they are supposed to be good for kids with ADHD/ASD, so they would benefit Kat too. We bought the darn fish. And not just any ole fish either, we bought the Glofish. He got an orange one (Hobgoblin), a green one (Hulk to Aiden, Green Goblin to Kat), and a sucker fish that Clara named Venom. :) My kids are all big time comic fans. :) Good parenting? I think so. ;)

So we got home and set up the Aquarium just for Johnnie to point out to me that it's probably not big enough for the 2 fish and a big sucker fish. Then tonight, Mom and Daddy told me the same thing. Apparently I am the only one who didn't know this, so we will be switching to a larger one asap.

We put it in the kid's room, and they turned off the lights and just sat in awe of the glowing fish in the glowing Aquarium. :P

Kat didn't get to see it until she got home from school. When she did, she let out a very loud, high pitched squeal and had a huge smile on her face..which means she was super happy.

Aiden has been just sitting and staring at them and watching them off and on all day. He has to tell everyone who will listen about his fish and what their names are. He is proud of his pet fishies.

This afternoon I picked Kat up from school and she handed me her folder with her report in it. She got an "N". I couldn't even be upset y'all, she did better than yesterday. An "N" is better than a "U". She said she tried really hard, but she got in trouble for talking and some little boy named Alex told the teacher a lie about her and said she cussed and said the "S" word, and she tried to tell the teacher she didn't, but she didn't believe her, but her real friends told the teacher and she thinks she believed her better then and won't believe a word that Alex says anymore.

Oh my Kathryn. <3

She drives me crazy, y'all. She really knows how to push my buttons without even knowing she's doing it and I'm not always great at controlling my reactions like I should, I'm still learning at this, but man oh man, that girl. She's just as amazing as she is frustrating. I love her to pieces. She's something else. ;)

I finally got to order her chewable jewelry (chewelry) necklace. I also got her a bendable doll that is supposed to help her focus and calm down when she gets worked up. I can't wait to see her face when she gets them. :) <3 Now if I could just get someone to make her a weighted blanket. I sure wish I could sew, I'd make it for her. She needs one really bad. I'm going to try to make her some sensory bottles soon too. I might make one for Aiden while I'm at it. I think he'd like them too.

Sensory Bottles (DIY)

Weighted Blanket (DIY)

I had to come back and add some stuff. I can't believe I didn't remember to update about out first two days eating GFDF! My mind is shot, y'all.

So we did great at dinner last night. GFDF Chicken tenders, steamed broccoli and rice. Everyone liked it except for Kat. She ate the rice and broccoli but she wanted ham roll ups instead of the tenders. Aiden ate them so good that he wanted to take it to bed with him at bedtime, lol

Today I gave them a taste of our different SILK milks. One almond regular, and one almond coconut. Aiden and Kat both despise the Almond regular, but man Aiden was an immediate fan of the almond coconut. He had two cups of it today. Kat says she will drink tea and water. So be it then.

Dinner was successful tonight too. I am excited about tomorrow. They get tacos, they are going to be so happy to find out they can still have them...just healthier. ;)

It Has Begun...

In Kindergarten, they don't send a behavioral report home weekly or every 6 weeks like some do..no, they tell you every single day just how much your child is acting up. I cannot even begin to tell you how hard this is. I have to correct her behavior when a bad report comes in because she can't continue the things she gets in trouble for at school, but she is 5 and she isn't like the rest of the kids. She cries every time and tells me how hard she's trying, but it's so hard to do it all right all day long.

My heart is broken for my baby. :(

She just doesn't work like the other kids. Her mind isn't the same, ya know? And I know, I have heard it all before, "She just needs discipline", "She is just a bad kid who doesn't want to do what she's told", "It's bad parenting", etc...but I am here to tell you now that it is none of that nonsense. She really runs on a different platform. She is wired in a different way. She is super, super freaking smart, she is articulate like you wouldn't believe, she understands book stuff, but her mind never slows down, even in her sleep. She is always thinking of a hundred different things at one time and it makes it hard for her to concentrate on the one thing you want her to stop and focus on.

It affects her behavior. If she can't slow down, she can't remember what you told her in the moment that her brain is pulling her into another direction. She knows what she is supposed to do if you ask her, but in the moment, she can't make the right choice. I don't know how to put it into words. But I understand it. I know her. I bet Moms of other ADHD and ASD affected children can understand though.

Her heart breaks when she gets in trouble. She wants so badly to "be good". I don't know what to do for her. This is what I have been dreading all summer. I knew this was coming. I wish there was a school just for kids like her close to us. Because even if the teachers say they understand and that they can handle it, they don't and they can't. They only know one way to treat kids and they only know one way to teach them. But not every kid fits into that one box. Kat is definitely outside of the box.

And I totally understand getting frustrated with her. Especially when she is just full on Kat. But to nit pick at her, knowing her circumstance, is just uncalled for.

One day though. One day my baby is going to show them all. She has something very special inside of her. She will come out on top, I know she will.

She had her 6 year old check up a few days ago. The first thing the doctor said was, "Have you discussed meds with Dr. B?" (We didn't see her usual Pediatrician). I knew it was coming.

So last night I got rid of all of our "bad food" and today I stocked up on GFDF (Gluten Free, Dairy Free) foods. I also ditched anything I could find in there that had artificial coloring. Thank God I was able to find the babies water flavoring without gluten or artificial coloring!

I am going to try to help her through diet before I let them try meds on her. I am terrified of giving her ADHD meds. Too many deaths in the past that can be linked to those meds. Not this blonde haired little beauty.

This is the gown they gave her to put on at the doctor. You can see what she thought of it. LOL She was cracking up at how big it was. 

Awww, Mary...

Mary has been hurting in her left foot for a little while now. We have been trying to monitor it and see how it's progressing. Her big toe is swelling, turning red, and hurting. The pad of her same foot, the part up by her toes is also swelling, turning red and hurting, but it's also not wanting to bend. So essentially, her left foot is doing what her right wrist did when it was starting to lock up on her. 

That's one problem...

She came home from camp with a rash of white bumps and redness with some swelling all over her face. It moved down to her neck and began to hurt and itch. Then two days ago, her legs started getting shaky and weak. Enough so that she was really voicing an annoyance about it. 

I took her to the doctor. We love our doctor. He's amazing. Unfortunately, everyone makes mistakes, even the most amazing doctor's in the world. I told him in that visit about all of this, including her sleeping troubles due to being in so much pain. I also told him about the Rheumy forgetting to send in her prescription for Prednisone. So he prescribed her Prednisone, Melatonin and Clonidine. 

I asked if she could take all of this together, because that would put her on a slew of different medications. He assured me that it would be fine. Unfortunately, you just never think to ask a doctor, "Are you sure you have the dosages correct?" Because you instinctively trust them to know what they're prescribing is correct for their patient. 

He gave Marian 20mg of Prednisone to be taken as 3 pills once a day for 5 days and then we were to taper her off for the next 6 days.

Last night, at bedtime, I gave Marian her Meloxicam, Leflunomide, Vit. C, Vit D, Ranitidine, and the new meds, Melatonin 5mg, Clonidine 0.1mg, and her 3 Prednisone pills 60mg. She went to sleep soon after (about an hour), and then continued to wake throughout the night after only being asleep about an hour, maybe a little more. She got up at 4am, and wasn't feeling well. She slept on and off all day long, barely eating or drinking anything. 

I thought it was just because of the new sleeping meds, but she took those for an early bedtime last night at 6:30pm. And she took the same dose that Kat takes at 5 years old, and a 50lb. difference. 
It still didn't hit me. 

I had written a letter to her Rheumy about getting her in earlier than October 5. I was very detailed in my letter about what was going on with Mary and what meds she was on. I sent several letters after talking to one of the very rude schedulers, and finally this afternoon, a nurse from the Rheumy's office called me. She asked me how much Prednisone she was taking and was adamant about me getting the bottle and reading the dosage information to her verbatim. I did so and she took a deep breath and said, "DO NOT give her that dose of that medicine. Let me talk to the doctor and I will call you back."

A few hours went by, Mary was just feeling worse and worse, she was breaking down, crying, having fits, sleeping and waking and finally the nurse called back. She said, "She shouldn't take more than 20mg. We want her on 20mg, then 15, then 10, then 5." She didn't say that anything bad could happen to her from the dose she had already had, but then I don't remember telling her that I had already given it to her either. I know that her reaction was one of concern and urgency when she heard the dose she was supposed to take for 5 days. 

I don't know if Dr. B messed up, if he wrote it wrong or if he went by her age and weight not thinking about her having an autoimmune disease? I don't know what happened, but she has been full body shaking for hours. She was having such awful fits earlier that I was actually wondering if she was possessed. She would laugh hysterically, then go right into sobbing, then she'd be screaming, climbing the walls and not wanting us to touch her. 

I grabbed her and held her and she finally calmed down after a few minutes of sobbing. She took a hot bath and ate a little bit. Then she drank some ice water. All she kept saying during her fits was that she was so sleepy but her body wouldn't let her sleep (the steroid). After her bath she came out and made it only a few feet, as far as the recliner and fell out. I got her up and helped her to the couch, I picked her up, put her on the couch and covered her up. She watched a movie while falling in and out of sleep and now she's finally sound asleep on the couch. Hopefully for the night. 

To say this has been one of the scariest experiences of my life would be an understatement. It was kind of like her night terrors when she was little, intensified by 1000.

I know I will be double checking doses from now on.  

Her doctor (Rheumy) is now trying to get her in to her sooner than October. I guess we will see how that goes. 

Please pray for Mary. 

I babysat today. Mary slept with the baby during his nap. 

But she didn't stop napping when the baby did. She was up and down all day. She fell asleep tonight wearing her Daddy's shirt, with an apple in her hand. :(

Clara and Mary Annoying Each Other

Clara and Mary

This is what they do to get under each other's skin when they think I am not paying attention.

Lunch with Kat

I got to bed at 11pm last night. I was out like a light! Kathryn slept all night, Thank GOD! So did Aiden. Mary tossed and turned, but she doesn't usually come get me to sit up with her anyway. ...And I'm still tired! O...m...gosh! I will be going to bed earlier tonight, I hope. Let's just hope the WoW servers are fixed so that I can get my GameOn for a little while before I have to go to bed. ;)

I woke up this morning with Kat, who was already awake in the livingroom watching tv. I got her dressed and she spent a little bit of time with Johnnie, a very little bit because she was anxious to get to school. We left for school and she reminded me twice on the way to come back at lunchtime to have lunch with her. (It was Crispito day too!) :)

I took Kat to breakfast and watched her eat her lucky charms, one piece at a time through the entire bowl, then she ate her applesauce - half spoonful bites ONLY, and then her toast with jelly. Then she drank her milk. And even though I kept reminding her that I had to get home to pick Marian up for her doctor's appointment, she did not feel that she needed to be in any kind of a hurry. LOL

I took her to drop off her tray at the trashcans and she wanted to meet Coach. So I took her over to where he was standing and she introduced herself, while giggling uncontrollably. He thought she was adorable, of course, and asked where her sisters were this year. We told him they were homeschooling and he approved. Then we told him bye and Kat jumped up to high five him. LOL He said, "She's a little more outgoing than her sisters, huh?" Ha! I said, "Yeah, just a little bit."

We left the lunchroom and I had to take Kat to the gym for morning meeting. I left the school and headed to pick up Mary. This morning felt like everything was a rat race and I was driving the Toyota (Sloyota), which was puttering, and gasping the entire time.

I got home and woke Clara up to start school and got attitude from both her and Mary. Bad morning. They both got in trouble and Mary lost her laptop privileges.

We left for Locust Grove to go to see Dr. B. and got there a good 45 minutes early. Thankfully they weren't too busy and we were back in less than 10 minutes. Mary sat on the exam table while I sat in the chairs in front of her. Mary sang, fidgeted and did everything she could think of to purposely annoy me while laughing at my reactions to her or my trying to ignore her, which she also thought was funny.

When she finally gave it up, I fell asleep in the chair. I could feel my head getting heavy, my eye lids closing, and then I felt my head drop, but there was just no fighting it...I was a goner. I didn't wake up until Dr. B. opened the door and started to wheel his laptop cart into the room. LOL My head jerked up and I was wiping the side of my mouth...just lovely. I was so embarrassed. But Dr. B. is awesome and very understanding. I love that man so much! Definitely one to thank God for.

He asked what was going on with Marian and then did an examination on her. I explained everything, the swelling, the stiff joints, the sleepless nights and the terrible pains...and then I told him about Mary's problems. Ha! Just Kidding. And I told him about her rash on her face and neck. I asked him to put her on Prednisone, because her Rheumy's prescription for it never came. And then he told me he was going to put her on Melatonin and Clonidine for her sleep troubles. (Sleep meds for Mary, Presents for Clara! haha!) ;)


He said he wanted to see Aiden to see if he needs to be put on the Clonidine as well since he's not sleeping either. Oh holy Momma! Sleep is coming soon!

Mary and Clara have trouble sleeping because of pain, Kat and Aiden don't sleep because of ADHD and night terrors. And Mommy doesn't sleep BECAUSE THEY WON'T! *Sigh*

So I rushed Mary back home and switched cars, grabbed some money and headed back to Kat's school to meet her for lunch. I was running behind by 3 minutes and I was freaking out! I have very little time to get to the school. So I hauled butt there and made it just 10 minutes late. I signed in, got my pass, and went to the lunchroom. I ran into Mrs. Salmon on the way and she told me where to find Kat. I saw her sitting at the table, surrounded bu her classmates, eating and smiling, sitting on her knees and talking and just having a blast. You could see the happy on her face, it was wonderful!

When she saw me, she shook her head at me, as if to say, "You're late, woman!" But she got her tray and followed me to the visitors table anyway and then waited for me to go get my own tray.

We sat and talked and had lunch and at one point she told me that a little girl had reached over and taken her frozen juice cup from her tray and kept it. So I did what any Mom would do... I walked up to the table, grabbed the frozen juice cup from the girl's tray and very politely told her to keep her hands to herself, and that she cannot take things from other people's trays and I took it back to Kat.

I then told Kat again and again that she cannot allow anyone to take her food, she cannot offer her food and she cannot trade food with anyone, for any reason. I also told her that she cannot let anyone bully her or do things that she knows they aren't supposed to be doing to her. No matter how big or how small an offense, it's still an offense. She has to stand up for herself. But she cannot hit.

She said she understood and that she would work on it. God help her, she cannot be timid like her sisters. I can't let that happen to her.

So I got home and picked up Johnnie and Aiden and ran to pick up Mary's meds. Then we came home, I laid Aiden down for nap and said Bye to Johnnie for the night. Now I have to wrap this up so I can go get Kat from school. There's probably 100 cars waiting in line by now. Ugh...Mom's a/c in her car sucks unless you're pushing the gas! :(

Day 2, I'll Never Sleep Again

I don't know if any of you reading this have any ADHD, anxiety riddled, night terror having, spastastic children, but it's like having a newborn baby for a prolonged period of time...like forever. I am currently running on 9.5 hours of sleep for the past 2 days. My brain is foggy and I am on the brink of hallucinations. I fell asleep waiting in the car rider lane at Kat's school this afternoon. I'm sure I was quite a vision with my head fallen down to the side, hanging halfway out the window, drool running down the side of my mouth, disheveled hair blowing in the breeze...and then it must have been quite the sight when I was jerked awake abruptly by a loud truck whizzing by my window. :/ I was startled awake, and I seriously felt sick to my stomach as I wiped the drool from my face, trying so hard not to be obvious and bring attention to myself, seeing as I was surrounded by parents waiting in their cars at this point. I then proceeded to frantically search for my useless non-serviced cellphone, because I dropped it while I was falling asleep playing Solitaire and my alarm was going off to tell me to go get Clara from school.

My youngest daughter is a wonderful, beautiful, impressive, intelligent little person. But after dark she's a crying, screaming, fear-riddled demon spawn. Her skin gets pasty white and flush, she has beads of sweat pouring down her scary, twisted, contorted little face, as she's seeing things only she can see, while screaming or crying uncontrollably, not wanting to be touched but wanting me to be in the room to witness her hysterics. This usually happens off and on from 1-4am.
Aiden has started having trouble sleeping too. He's been waking up a few times a night as well. And while I am super thankful that they aren't having fits at the same time, it still keeps me up through most of the night in intervals, going from one child to the next. So right now, I am caught somewhere in between wanting to sleep and not being able to due to Aiden still being awake or because my mind as tired as it is, cannot rest. I have anxiety pretty badly. Anyone who has this horrible, sometimes crippling mindfreak issue should understand what I'm talking about when I say, I am a crazy woman most of the time. A crazy woman who thinks of everything that could and most likely will go wrong. I think of how to stop things that haven't even happened yet. I plan how to make things work in my life, or how to better my kids lives, things we need, things they have said they want, chores the next day, chores that got done or left that day, my car needing to be cleaned out and Johnnie needing a car of his own that doesn't drink gas like water. I think of all of the health issues and problems, doctor's appointments that I need to make, ones that are coming up, others that got forgotten and we never made it to that now need to be rescheduled, again. Who is on what medicines, did they take them today? Did they brush their teeth, their hair, did they bathe? Deodorant? Did they clean up the bathroom afterwards? We need groceries. Mary's lost two teeth this past week and the tooth fairy didn't come, she must not work weekends, especially weekends when Mommy is super tired. She's very considerate to not wake me up. And this all happens at once... usually as soon as my head hits the pillow. (I'm delirious, so I hope all of that made sense, lol)
Lots of stuff always going on and happening up there in my wonky brain, but you probably wouldn't know it by the zombied look on my face most days. :P I picked Kat up from school this afternoon and she was on edge. She went to school with a new headband this morning and didn't have it on this afternoon. So when I asked her where it was, she broke down crying and became hysterical very quickly. I knew right then that she had had a long day and that she was very much over stimulated. The progression only took off from there as she continued the fits and they sensitivity until she finally passed out for the night a few minutes ago. So after I picked Kat up from school, I had to drive to the next town to pick Clara up from school. She had her first day of face to face classes with her teachers and fellow students. She enjoyed it enough to want to go back Thursday, but she said it dragged out and was so super slow. She said she stayed on the computer, not really talking to anyone. Big surprise there, right?! LOL She did say that she likes all of her teachers (even though she cannot understand one of them when they speak), she says they are all nice and fun, but she especially loves her Spanish teacher. :) Her Spanish teacher is the reason she wants to return on Thursday. I pray she loosens up and makes new friends this year. She has to stop being so afraid to talk to people.
Aiden is in bed watching tv now, the girls are in the livingroom on their laptops, and I am getting ready to lay down. I hope I get to sleep tonight. If not, I might not make it tomorrow.

First Day of School

Kat and Clara both started school today. Kathryn woke up excited, so much so that she couldn't stop talking really, really fast. LOL I wasn't as energetic at 6am, so I had to ask her several times to slow down a little.

I got her dressed in her brand new Supergirl Dress, new sparkly black shoes, her superhero shorts (to go under her dress), and he new pink hair bow, and she was beautiful and ready for her first day! I fed her breakfast while her Daddy and her talked about what to expect and then took pictures. She was so anxious and couldn't wait to go out the door. It was really very sweet.

When it was time to go, she was running for the truck. She got in and buckled up before I even had to say anything, which is not something that happens with her...ever.
We had to go the long way, or so I thought, because of road work. The people who are over the building and maintaining of our city streets decided that we needed an EXTRA SMALL roundabout at the entrance to the road that the school is on, instead of just doing the smart thing and putting up a light. Now on one of the busiest roads in all of Henry County, where big rigs, school buses, large trucks and vans travel daily, they have this new obstacle that has caused a backup of traffic at the busiest time of the morning (and afternoons) and the bigger vehicles are having trouble even getting around the roundabout. Idiots. All of the people who are behind this... idiots.

Anyway, we got to her school and she was up and ready before I could get out of my seat. We went inside and found that we were a little bit early so we had to wait in the main hall with the rest of the parents and students waiting to go in. Everyone in that hall was anxious and ready for a new school year. You could feel the enthusiasm in the air...although that could've just been the parents ready for school to start back! Ha! ;)

When the bell rang, Mrs. Anderson let us go through the big double doors and they were off!! I was surprised at just how many parents didn't know or understand how a line works and how to follow suit in a line. They were cutting in front of people, pushing their way through and making it very difficult to get right as they were shoving their way to the left. Kind of disappointing actually, but it did make me understand a little bit better why the majority of kids are not very considerate and why bullying is such a big thing now. Parental Fail.

Anyway, we got to her class and she busted through the open door into her classroom, ready to see her teachers, give them her school supplies and conquer the day! I could almost see the visions she had inside of her little brain of what they day would be like for her. She was just taking it all in and loving every second of being a big girl in a big girl school at a big girl desk. She found her name tag and sat down and immediately started unloading her bookbag. Mrs. Salmon came over with her cubby basket for her to put her things in and although Mrs. Salmon was oblivious to it, I watched as my ADHD, OCD child rearranged everything that Mrs. Salmon put into the basket so that it went in how Kat wanted it and not how Mrs. Salmon was doing it. LOL

I left her in the classroom, sitting at her desk, reading a book. Well, I actually made it to the door and slowly stuck my head out of the room to see if I could get through the hall yet and heard her  say ever so lightly, "Mommy?" I turned and saw the unsure look on her face that said, "Will I be ok here when you leave? I'm nervous now." So I went and kissed her forehead and hugged her again and told her she would be ok, that she was going to love school and she was going to have a fun day and she would get to learn lots of cool new stuff. She smiled and I left. It felt like my flip flops were made of stone. Every step I took was heavier than the one before it. I don't even know how I made it back to the front main doors, my head was in such a fog and I was second guessing myself in leaving her there. But I kept hearing a voice (metaphorically people, not schizophrenically) saying, "If you step in now, you will only be hindering her education and social growth." So I kept walking until I reached the truck. I got in and just sat there for a few minutes actually talking myself into leaving the parking lot and not waiting there until she got out. And then I remembered that I had to take the truck home so Johnnie could go to work. :)

I was nervous all summer long about sending Kat to school. I was terrified about the phone calls, the letters home, the conferences, the mean stares I'd get because the teachers just thought I wasn't parenting her or correcting her behavior, etc...It never even occurred to me that I would have a hard time even letting her go! I thought I was ready for her to start school. I really did. And while the break was nice, and it went by fast as I cleaned the house and took care of the other kids, I was ready to go pick her up this afternoon. I was so happy to see her smiling face in that car rider line. And when she got in and sat up like such a big girl who had conquered the day, she buckled up, put her bookbag down in the seat beside her and said to her brother, "Hey, little buddy." because he's a baby and she's not. :)

The drive home was full of chatter and her stories of the day and how much she loved it all, everything, everyone, and especially lunch because she is a big girl and she carried her own tray and the food was "Awesome!" because they fed her chicken nuggets and beans that she didn't really like, but she ate them anyway because they put them on her tray and that's what big girls do. :D :D :D <3 <3 <3

My heart was full. She had a good day.
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Clara started today too. Her day began a bit differently however. She woke up at 9am, to a hot breakfast and she got to take her time waking up. She made me wake her up 3 times, but when she got up, she didn't fight me or get ill with me. She just mopped out to the livingroom, sat down for a minute and then went up to the kitchen table to eat. She didn't argue with Mary, she did ask how Kat's morning had gone and I told her all about it.
She asked when her orientation was supposed to start and I said, "10am, sharp." She ate a little bit of her breakfast (Clara's not a big eater) and then got on her laptop. She signed in to school to give it a once over and then took 30 minutes to play her games before her orientation started.
After orientation, she did her classwork, (or so I thought) and then helped with random chores throughout the day in between Youtube videos and games.

I just found out that she didn't quite finish a few of her assignments, mostly because they asked her to write about herself. And a few quizzes that she thought were meant for the end of the week. LOL Nope, quizzes on the first day. She wasn't happy that I told her at 9pm, that she had to go finish up the work that she missed today, but again, she didn't fuss or fight or argue, she just went to it. I am one proud Mommy right now. :)

Mary doesn't start school until the 8th, so she spent the entire day watching Netflix movies and helping with household chores.

Aiden slept most of the morning, not waking up until 11am, after many, many attempts to get him out of bed, he ate and went straight to playing with his toys and watching "ewwwtube" videos. Now it's bedtime and I can hear him in his room tormenting Marian. LOL

It's been a great day. <3