Our lives have been so hectic and crazy lately. I feel like my brain is on constant overload and I am terrified of forgetting something important. I am on the phone most days for hours trying to schedule or reschedule appointments, talking to caseworkers and adjudicators, refilling prescriptions or fighting for refills because people are lazy and don't want to do their job.
I am talking to teachers and school administrators, trying to get forms filled out and sent back on time to wherever it is that they have to go. I'm trying to get x-rays and MRIs done. I just had to cancel Marian's MRI because I can't drive up there at the time that they set her appointment. Not to mention that I need a babysitter and those are like mythological creatures around here.
I have more appointments this week that I have to reschedule because we don't have the gas money for me to get us to them. It's just always something.
I'm trying to get this hospital bed and power chair and lift for the power chair. I don't have the money that we need to pay all of the fees to have them delivered and installed and such. My poor baby was up all night last night crying because her back was hurting her so badly and she couldn't get comfortable anywhere, even in her recliner. I think it's because her recliner broke and now it doesn't really sit right. I don't know, I could be completely off and she's just going to hurt anywhere, who knows anymore?
Man, my mind is just swimming. Too much information!! Too much to remember, too much to organize and schedule and plan...UGH! Not to mention the mental anguish of not being able to help her.
I can't give her pain medicine because of her Meloxicam and Leflunomide. So she just has to hurt through it, which makes it worse on her and me. Her because she's in pain and me because I can't take watching her be in pain and I'm helpless, I can't fix it for her.
She came to me last night and her left eye was hurting her. The same eye that was just hurting her because of a bump being inside of her bottom lid. She did antibiotics for that but now this morning, it's swollen and red and causing her more pain. Guess what that means? Another doctor's appointment! OMG! Another day that I need a babysitter for Aiden because he is off the chain, crazy wild, and I can't handle him for the hours long wait in our Pediatrician's office.
My heart has started hurting recently, these sharp electric like shocks of pain just radiating through it. I'm getting dizzy spells, feeling like I'm going to faint and have to fight it off just to stay conscious. My speech slurs like I'm drunk and it takes a concentrated effort to put together a sentence because my brain is trying to trail off. IT'S STRESS! I know it is. Doesn't mean it's not still scary, but it is from all of this crap that is always sitting on my chest. I need a break. My kids need a break.
I feel like I need to format my hard drive. My memory is full and my desktop is too cluttered.
I have gained an unreasonable amount of weight this year, my eyebrows make me look like Bert (or Ernie), I need new clothes cause mine all have holes in them, making me look more homeless than I actually am, my hair is all too often disheveled and unkempt, and my smile has run away. I am a sad, sad creature right now, y'all. Please keep me and my family in your prayers..we need them so badly.
I am talking to teachers and school administrators, trying to get forms filled out and sent back on time to wherever it is that they have to go. I'm trying to get x-rays and MRIs done. I just had to cancel Marian's MRI because I can't drive up there at the time that they set her appointment. Not to mention that I need a babysitter and those are like mythological creatures around here.
I have more appointments this week that I have to reschedule because we don't have the gas money for me to get us to them. It's just always something.
I'm trying to get this hospital bed and power chair and lift for the power chair. I don't have the money that we need to pay all of the fees to have them delivered and installed and such. My poor baby was up all night last night crying because her back was hurting her so badly and she couldn't get comfortable anywhere, even in her recliner. I think it's because her recliner broke and now it doesn't really sit right. I don't know, I could be completely off and she's just going to hurt anywhere, who knows anymore?
Man, my mind is just swimming. Too much information!! Too much to remember, too much to organize and schedule and plan...UGH! Not to mention the mental anguish of not being able to help her.
I can't give her pain medicine because of her Meloxicam and Leflunomide. So she just has to hurt through it, which makes it worse on her and me. Her because she's in pain and me because I can't take watching her be in pain and I'm helpless, I can't fix it for her.
She came to me last night and her left eye was hurting her. The same eye that was just hurting her because of a bump being inside of her bottom lid. She did antibiotics for that but now this morning, it's swollen and red and causing her more pain. Guess what that means? Another doctor's appointment! OMG! Another day that I need a babysitter for Aiden because he is off the chain, crazy wild, and I can't handle him for the hours long wait in our Pediatrician's office.
My heart has started hurting recently, these sharp electric like shocks of pain just radiating through it. I'm getting dizzy spells, feeling like I'm going to faint and have to fight it off just to stay conscious. My speech slurs like I'm drunk and it takes a concentrated effort to put together a sentence because my brain is trying to trail off. IT'S STRESS! I know it is. Doesn't mean it's not still scary, but it is from all of this crap that is always sitting on my chest. I need a break. My kids need a break.
I feel like I need to format my hard drive. My memory is full and my desktop is too cluttered.
I have gained an unreasonable amount of weight this year, my eyebrows make me look like Bert (or Ernie), I need new clothes cause mine all have holes in them, making me look more homeless than I actually am, my hair is all too often disheveled and unkempt, and my smile has run away. I am a sad, sad creature right now, y'all. Please keep me and my family in your prayers..we need them so badly.
Normally I wouldn't post such a raw, unedited, unposed picture of myself (I just took this photo and posted it). But this is me nowadays, for better or for worse. Thank God Johnnie is understanding and loves me anyway. I don't know what I'd do if he wasn't here beside me through all of this. He is my rock, my strength, my light at the end of the tunnel. God knew exactly what he was doing when he put us in each other's path. I truly believe that with my whole heart. He knew just how much I would need to lean on Johnnie and how much I would need his strength and love. And how no one else could fulfill that need like Johnnie has. I love this man beyond words and explanations. <3
I put these pictures up just to show a difference by comparison. This bottom photo was taken after Aiden was born three years ago, before we had any clue what was about to happen to Marian and how all of our lives would be turned upside down. I think that I have aged 20 years in the past 3 years. The top photo was taken a few weeks ago. Aye Yai Yai
I Need A Miracle
Cry Out To Jesus
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