New Information

So after my emotional vomit session in my blog yesterday, I wenta researchin' me some real information. Because that's what I do, I research and then I research some more and then some more, and I bother everyone and I get pushy and I ask tons of questions, because I can and because I am an emotionally driven, anxiety riddled, panicky but determined kind of person, I am.

So I am still terrified. Maybe even to the point of being a bit loopy and stupid. o.O I found out that her medicine may not even have a hand in her having a larger risk for getting cancer, it's her disease itself! Kids with JA, because this is not just an achy joints disease but an autoimmune disease, have a higher risk for developing cancers, stomach problems, infections, etc...Because y'all, the JA itself just wasn't enough, right? There have been many, many deaths related to "complications" from JA. Not something that I really wanted to know.

So I am on my knees.

I am experiencing a number of emotions and not too many of them are good or very conversation worthy at the moment. But I will tell you that the one I won't give into, the one I refuse to entertain even for a second, is the feeling of defeat. I will walk through fire to help my baby get better. We will do everything that we can to make sure she stays active and doesn't give in to her disease. And when she can't walk, I will carry her. And when she cannot stay awake, I will hold her. When she is swollen and in pain and she just cannot move, I will comfort her and pray with her for relief and healing. And when she is down and feeling defeated, I will cry out for her and I will be there to help her through.

Because she is 11 years old. She is just a child. My child.

She has just started her life. She cannot give in to giving up now. Not yet, not ever. So we will push through. Today she is back in the wheelchair due to her legs not wanting to work. She was injured yesterday when she fell and hit her head and we do not want any repeats of that. So today she has wheels. ;) I pray that tomorrow she will be walking again.

A Favorite Go To Song For Us Right Now