I went to the ER this morning to have them check out my leg. After talking to my Aunts, we figured it would be better for me to just go and not wait in case it was a clot.
They tried to do blood work, but surprise! They couldn't find my veins through the fat, so they moved me along to ultrasound where the Tech was amazing. Talkative, but really comforting and understanding and seriously cheerful and caring. He was great and made me feel not so tense or worried.
He did the ultrasound and let me know immediately, even though he said he wasn't supposed to tell me, that there was not a blood clot anywhere in sight. He said there wasn't even any narrowing of my veins, which was a shock to me with me being so badly overweight like I am. But again, the doctor told me to lose the weight or else I could be dealing with these problems and worse in the near future.
So I got to come home to my family today with that monkey off of my back and feeling a new appreciation for my life. Which I know sounds very cheesy and cliche, but it's true. This whole year, as awful as it has been at times, has forced me to face not only my own mortality but also the mortality of my children and my husband, my mother and my father too...heck I even worried about my brother and he's the most healthy of us all! I have lost so many loved ones this year and having to see death walk away with so many of the people that I love and care for over the past two years has made me gain a whole new respect and love for my own life and the lives of the ones still here, even as bad as it can be at times...I am blessed. We are blessed.
I am making it my goal to let the little things not be big things anymore. Stress less, love more. Let the trivial things go and focus more on letting my family know that I love them enough to chill my anxieties and dramatics that seem to come so naturally to me for some reason, and to just be happy in the moment, (I wish Johnnie would come to the same realization, but I guess we all face our own demons in our own time).
This year I am not going to sit on my butt and watch my life happen without me. I am joining a gym, I am starting a clinic with my doctor for my weight loss, I am getting a job, I am graduating school, and I am getting our credit worked out and fixed once and for all. 2017, God willing, is going to be a great year of triumphs for us.
We have decided to stay put here while we get everything in order (hopefully no more than 6-7 months) instead of trying to do it in our own place and failing miserably because we can't afford it, just forcing us to come back here anyway. This time, we are going to do it right and when we get out, we are staying there. Sadly, it has taken me 36 years to grow up. But than again, I have always been a bit slower than most to figure things out, so it shouldn't be a big shocker for those who are close to me and know me well.
This is our year. 2017 is going to see great new things for us, I am praying and claiming it in the name of God. <3
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