(This was taken when she won a medal and an ice cream cone for good behavior and doing her chores as she was told. She was so happy to win over her sisters, LOL)
Kathryn is 5 years old. She is our youngest daughter. She has 2 older sisters, Clara and Marian and a baby brother, Aiden.
She is currently being assessed for ADHD, and anxiety/panic disorder with night terrors.
We have known that there is something going on with her since she was about 2.5 years old. She's super hyper, she can't focus or concentrate for very long, unless it's on an electronic of some sort. She doesn't follow directions very well or listen to people in a position of authority. She's rebellious (beyond the norm) and impulsive to a fault. She talks back, she talks out of turn, she interrupts conversations constantly, even if she has just been corrected over and over. She gets hurt a lot because she doesn't really learn from the previous times she was hurt doing the same thing. She lies, a lot. Even if she knows she's going to be found out or if she knows you already know she's not telling the truth, she will fight it out to the death that she's not lying. And the lies are often times really far fetched, like she rode a dragon to school that morning. And she believes it. It's not your typical childhood imagination type of thing. It's really hard to explain. And you can't really understand it until you have seen what I'm talking about.
She screams and has bad fits of anger and frustration. She blames others when she has done something wrong, even if she knows she's wrong. She has trouble with irrational fears that have brought her into having really bad night terrors. She has trouble with feeling like she isn't loved and problems with depression too.
On the other hand, she is bright, seriously intelligent, funny and playful. She's really happy when she's happy and her smile lights up the room, as you can see in the picture above. Her personality is huge and bubbly, and she has the biggest, kindest heart I have ever seen in a 5 year old. She believes that everyone can be her friend, and she has never met a stranger. She loves to play, draw, tell stories, play cards or board games. She loves her tablet and Youtube, Netflix, and Vudu. She has been working my phone since she was just 1. She can download her own games and apps and everything. The child is amazing. She loves rainbows and unicorns, candy and pastel colors, especially pinks. She is a girly girl through and through. She loves to have her nails and toes painted. She loves to wear beautiful dresses and dressy shoes. She loves jewelry and makeup. She loves to have her hair done (when she has long hair). She is truly a joy when she is herself. And the really great thing about Kathryn is how she loves. She loves from the bottom of her heart, so genuinely and sincerely. She loves hard and loyal. And if she loves you, you know it, without a doubt. Her hugs and kisses are wonderful and big.
When she is in a fit, or having a bad day, (which has lasted months this time), she is hard to handle and she causes chaos and disruption within our family. She puts us all on edge, because we don't know what to do for her, or how to talk her down when she is having an especially difficult moment. It's hard on all of us, especially her.
We talked for a long, long time about getting her help, but I was hesitant because I didn't want her labeled and I didn't want her on medications that might do long term damage.
But after lots of talking and trying other ways, and now with her teachers telling us that they are witnessing the same things and she is being disruptive to the class, we finally brought her into her doctor to discuss our options.
He asked us questions that sounded like the person who wrote the paper he was reading knew Kathryn firsthand. It was surreal. I got teary eyed a bit because it was such a relief to know that this is actually a condition and it's something that can be fixed.
I just want my little girl back. My fun, loving, happy, beautiful little girl. ADHD, anxiety and panic have taken her from me for quite a while now. We even wondered for a little while if she had a form of Autism. But the doctor knew immediately what it was and has promised that we can get her on the right track. Thankfully!
So he put her on Melatonin for the night terrors. It worked really well for the first 3-4 nights, then she started waking up crying and screaming again. Last night, she slept through the night (but her baby brother woke me up).
Last week, I had 12 hours of sleep...total. It was a rough week. I was crying like a baby by night 3.
This week I got to sleep Monday night, not Tuesday or Wednesday and am hoping to sleep tonight.
She slept so good last night, that when I got up to wake her up for school, I couldn't. I had to let her sleep until she woke up. I just couldn't bring myself to wake her. She doesn't get to sleep like that often at all.
He hasn't put her on medication for the ADHD because of her age. He has to wait until she turns 6 in October. She has to start seeing a Psychiatrist too. I am hoping and praying that this all works, and that we get to see Kathryn calm and focused soon. We miss that a lot.
(Originally written on Kathryn's Blog on 03-24-2016)
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